[ He is rooted to the spot, like his feet have suddenly turned to lead, and he feels sick. He doesn't move until there's Spock's hand on his shoulder, guiding and steering him along toward the shuttle to take them out to the colonies which malfunctioned.
It couldn't be him. It couldn't. They found his body burned beyond recognition in the governor's mansion. It's his imagination getting the better of him. But that voice. ]
I thought I---[ You look at me, Jim. You have to run, do you understand me? He has to visibly swallow past the bile threatening to choke him at the unbidden memory that swarms up to drag him down. ]---No. I don't know them.
I'm sorry I folded back there. Won't happen again. When we get on board can I see the PADD with all the officials information on it? I want to review it again.
[ Which he does on the trip out. Again. Again, but only ever scrutinizing Karidian's face. Only ever poring over it, and trying to match the face in his memory to the old, haggard man on the page. He brings up other data files. Tarsus IV. Survivor list. Himself. Thomas. Wait, Riley? ]
Mr. Spock, has Kevin Riley been down on the planet assissting in the relief efforts that you know of?
[ Listed as a person of interest in the attack. Jim knows why. It's the same reason he and Thomas are listed as such. They saw Kodos's face. They heard his speech condemning them all to death. If he saw Karidian---would he think what Jim does now? ]
[ Spock says nothing in response to Jim's admission of folding. It is a swift apology, offered with no explanation; the best form of an apology, really. Though Spock wonders - this entire situation has been trying on all of them, but Jim especially. Something about the people, about this place, has made him react Spock does not expect. Thus he cannot create plans and contingencies, which means he is reacting on his feet more often than he would like.
If he did not know Jim as well as he does, Spock might put it down to his captain simply displaying aspects of his humanity. But they have encountered other situations that, while not as dire, could have gotten him to fold, and he had not. There is something about the circumstances of this place.
It is a mystery. Spock hates mystery.
He pulls his attention back to the situation at hand when Jim queries him about the crew. ]
He has been assisting with food distribution and various repairs on the planet. Is there something about him of particular interest?
[ Spock is familiar with Riley's records; he is a solid crew member, perhaps not one of the brightest, but good enough to serve on the Enterprise. Spock can see no reason why Jim would mention him. ]
[ It makes sense now. Too much sense. Martial law. Executions. Help come too late. Always too late. Could he still be wrong though?
Could he be imagining a monster that is long dead? And what if he isn't? He has no proof to back him. He has nothing but his memories. Nothing but a handful of rumors as useful as dust in the sunlight. ]
I want him put with one of the groups with a security detachment. Kept away from the officials and the hospital. If he argues, send him back up to the ship. Understood?
[ Spock raises an eyebrow at that, somewhat surprised. Jim normally does not snap out orders like that, though when he does, it is usually the result of a highly emotional state. ]
Is there a reason for this order, Captain? As a junior crewman, working only on repairs or handing out food, he poses little risk of angering anyone.
[ Despite his question, Spock is already typing it into his PADD, though the lack of a signal means he cannot transmit it to Riley or anyone else who could otherwise communicate the order to the necessary individuals.
If there is one thing Spock dislikes in this world, it is the ease at which communications break down, frequencies end in radio silence, and signals get dropped. ]
[ Jim's jaw clenches at the question and his teeth grind audibly. His mouth works silently a moment as Spock speaks his mind. Usually Jim would welcome such things, not right now. Not considering what is possibly at stake. ]
I don't have to give any specific reason for it, Mr. Spock. I just want you to get it done as soon as possible.
[ He notes that they don't have any signal to communicate back to the others in the capital, so the message won't reach them until after their survey. He makes a soft, frustrated noise in the back of his throat. ]
As soon as we get back to the capital, I want him reassigned. Understood?
[ For a moment, Spock is tempted to argue back. This is irrational and illogical, to single out a specific crewman for accompaniment with no reason, and it is on the tip of his tongue to inform Jim of that fact.
Especially with him not telling Spock. They have been working on communicating better and generally Spock gets answers for Jim's actions, or can deduce the reasoning. This is a reminder of their first months working together, when their differences seemed too huge to over.
Spock takes in the clenched jaw and hears the teeth grinding - an action he should cease, as it will simply cause jaw pain and affect his dental work - and decides against it. He inclines his head. ]
Very well, Captain. As there is little we can do at the moment, you should refocus your attention on the colony.
[ If he sounds a little more reserved than usual, well, most people do not notice the differences in Vulcan speech tones.
Spock adds another note to his growing mental list, and resolves to look at the connection between Jim and Kevin Riley and Karidian. ]
[ Jim has learned to read Spock fairly well, and he can see the tick of his jaw that heralds his displeasure with the current situation. The fact that he is displeased with how things are being handled and the lack of communication on Jim's part. ]
My attention is on the colony. It's also on keeping my people crew safe.
[ He can hear the more reserved tone, and he dismisses it. He can't focus on that now. He scrolls through a few reports, and then casts a glance back to him. ]
You said you couldn't find that much information on Karidian and his daughter. You mean it wasn't there, or ---did it only become available after a certain stardate?
[ Did it correlate with Starfleet finally arriving on Tarsus IV 13 years ago? He doesn't ask it out loud though. ]
[ It appears, at least to Spock, that there is something else going on in Jim's head, something that is distracting him. He has always been firm about protecting his crew, but this is unexpected and unique. ]
Their records date back only that far and there is no prior information for either of them, despite the fact that Karidian at least should have a lengthy history. It is as though they sprang into existence only 13 years ago, my distaste for the phrase aside.
[ Spock had noted how odd was, the fact that nothing existed before. Even his security clearance and hacking abilities had turned up nothing. ]
[ There is something on his mind. Something that has been on his mind for days now. It's eating him up a little bit at time, dividing his attention and making him relive things he never, ever wanted to revisit again. Now here it is, thrust right back into the forefront of his mind and his life.
Except now he has to wonder of he's making up ghosts and monsters, or are they real. Is it possible that Kodos the Executioner is here, now, on this colony?
He's pouring over the historical information that Spock sent to him, but his head snaps up when Spock says that. His thoughts grind to a particularly painful halt, his heart is in his throat, and he feels rocked to his core. ]
13? [ He clears his throat slightly, trying to find a voice that has suddenly left him. His face is pale with shock. ] 13 years, you're sure?
[ Of course he's sure, this is Spock he's talking to. ]
[ Spock might forgive Jim losing his temper and snapping. Could shrug off not talking to him. But questioning him about a number? Questioning him - Spock - about information he has read?
Either Jim is losing his mind or... Jim is losing his mind. There is no other option, because Spock knows well enough that Jim knows he does not incorrectly remember numbers.
He stares at Jim, taking in the pale face, the unsteady voice, the sheer oddity of all of this, and it helps temper his comment slightly. ]
Of course I am sure, Captain. It is a date. Need I remind you I have an eidetic memory?
[ His voice is still lost-sounding. He feels like he's come untethered in the worst way, floating in the black of space in an EVA suit that's just running out of air with each breath he takes. This is a nightmare he thought he buried happening all over again in real time.
His gaze drops down to the PADD in his hands again. To the face of a monster staring back at him. Hesitantly, and he's never been hesitant to meet his first officer's gaze, he looks back over at him. Right now, though, he feels like the slightest scrutiny will reveal every secret he's ever had. Every nightmare he has swallowed in secret. ]
Comma---Spock, what do you know about a colony by the name of Tarsus IV?
[ Spock's eyes narrow as he studies Jim. Nothing is adding up for him, and Spock hates mysteries. He does not even care that it is illogical to hate that which is not sentient, or that hatred itself is an irrational emotion. Something he can not solve, especially when it affects his captain and his friend, is not something Spock tolerates.
The question about Tarsus is rather unexpected, and Spock has to draw on his limited knowledge of the planet. Not much is ever mentioned. ]
It was a colony that suffered an unknown attack and the lives of half of the population of the colony were lost in this attack. Investigations turned up little other information. The timeline of the attack and distress calls are unknown, as it is believed subspace communications failed.
[ Spock studies Jim's face as he speaks, wondering at the connection. The lack of a signal on his PADD so he can search for a possible connection is frustrating, but not insurmountable. He will simply look later. ]
[ He parrots it back dumbly, half-stumbling over his words. Sure, he knows what the reports say. He's known for years now. He knew what they told him after Robert April's ship got he and his friend Thomas to the nearest starbase. It was an accident, an attack.
Of course he agreed. What else could he do? ]
Distress calls were sent out. Help just---it came too late. By the time Starfleet arrived, there were only 4,000 of the 8,000 settlers left. They found the governor's burned body in the mansion. It was assumed that he was there during the most focused attack on the ruling body.
[ In reality it was a revolt. The starving people of the colony fighting back to take control. To try and bring sanity back after thousands were butchered without remorse. They stormed the mansion. Jim remembers hearing the explosions, but he was too exhausted and weak to do anything save huddle on the outskirts with his best friend. ]
[ Spock's expression sharpens the moment Jim starts talking, because he sounds not unlike the Vulcan survivors after Nero's attack. He sounds nothing like the Jim Spock considers a friend.
When Jim mentions that he was on the colony, Spock finally breaks, and leans forward to clasp his hand around Jim's wrist. He refrains from reading any of the surface emotions, though he desires to know more of what is going on in Jim's head.
It's exceedingly rare for him to touch anyone, even Jim, and Spock hopes that the touch will provide some guidance for his friend. ]
Jim. What is going on -
[ He wants to ask what is going on, why is he panicking over this? Yes, the attack and the current situation on the colony might be similar, but Spock can see no reason for such a reaction.
Unfortunately, the shuttle slows to a stop, and the pilot is wandering back to inform them they are at their destination. The worst of the colonies that had been hit; the scent of smoke and death is still obvious in the air, over a week later.
Spock does not drop Jim's hand immediately, waiting until the pilot has left them. He cannot continue his questioning at the moment, but he resolves to pose more queries later. ]
[ Jim blinks rapidly, stunned to abrupt silence when Spock clasps his wrist and he isn't sure how to respond to it. He recognizes it as a good and calming gesture, but he feels neither of those things. In fact he feels more alone in this moment than the days he spent scavenging for food on that colony in order to keep himself and Thomas alive.
Then, as the shuttle is slowing, he finds that he can't answer his first officer in a suitable fashion. He grips his hand back, for a brief moment, and when he looks up to meet his gaze there's obvious pain in his own eyes. ]
[ Spock sighs, audibly. He rarely uses Jim's given name when they are acting in the line of duty, but it felt necessary to repeat his name, as something calming, and a reminder that Spock is there.
But there is little chance to actually get anything across to Jim, or insist that he just tell Spock what is going on with this. They have to depart the shuttle, look over the colony, and assess damage, and they are on a tight schedule. He lets go of Jim's wrist and stands. ]
[ Before Spock stands, and pulls away, he grips his First Officer's hand back. He takes a moment, letting him get a few steps ahead of him, stands to straighten his working uniform, and follows after.
The first thing that strikes him is as if it were pulled straight out of his own memories, and he has to stop, breathe through his mouth, and focus on the task at hand. Some of the others of his crew that are part of security, and medical are covering their faces, coughing. The stench of death is obvious, and it is something Jim will never be able to forget for as long as he lives, he's certain. He turns to face the crew. ]
We split into three teams. Spock is with me, along with Lt. Haverson and Chief Dalen. I want everyone to documenting everything that might be of relevance, keep open channels at all times, and contact the nearest security officer at the first sign of trouble. We meet back here in two hours unless communicated otherwise, understood?
[ There are nods of assent and yes sirs from the crew, and people split off into teams. Jim heads towards one of the housing areas, litter and dust blowing past his feet with the winds increase. ]
[ Spock waits patiently for Jim's orders, relieved that he is not trying to split them apart. A first officer's duty is to his captain, and Spock takes that seriously. Especially in a situation such as this, when there are too many factors that Spock cannot control for, and the risk of danger is too high.
Spock does not require the use of any aids to keep track of time, so he does not bother checking the time as they head toward one of the housing areas. He'll keep Jim on track, if necessary.
The area is desolate, the stench of decay obvious and the amount of ruin not entirely in keeping with the reports. It was a wise decision to visit, as Spock can gain a much clearer vision of the truth. A truth that does not match what the officials have been discussing.
He is about to mention that to Jim when he hears a rustling from inside one of the broken houses, and grabs Jim's shoulder to point in that direction. ]
[ Jim is reckless at the best of times, especially when it comes to his own safety versus the safety of others, but he doesn't feel steady enough to cut off his own right hand in the form of Spock. He knows he's growing increasingly unpredictable the more time goes on, but it's a distant sort of revelation in the back of his mind.
He slows a bit as they come up on the first houses. He remembers what bothered him the most outside of the massacre itself---it was the empty houses. Empty houses with dust voids from valuables taken by the patrols, or the way the dust settled at all. How it caked down and touched everything with a grey reminiscent of death. His standard issue boots kick up the dust and it settles on his working uniform and his hands, and he finds himself staring at it numbly until Spock grabs his shoulder.
He catches a shadow of movement that most would dismiss, but ---god. He knows what it's like to turn into something else. To turn into a wraith and steal through the shadows during the brightest part of the day, and be wary of watching eyes because you have to survive. ]
On me. No phasers, keep it quiet.
[ Jim moves towards the house, trying to separate himself from the parallel memory that is trying to replay in his own head. Bootsteps over broken glass, dust kicking up, it's the guards it has to be. ]
This is Captain---[ Robert April of the---]---James T. Kirk of the USS Enterprise. We know you sent out for aid, we're here to help. I have a medical chief with me if you have wounded.
We have no affiliations with the government of your world. You're safe with us.
[ Jim puts his hands up in a gesture of surrender and also to show that he's unarmed. ]
[ Even if it were not Spock's duty to see to the protection and safety of the captain, he would stay at Jim's shoulder during this entire trip. It is too unpredictable, and Jim himself is acting too unpredictable, for Spock to be comfortable with allowing Jim to go anywhere without him.
He almost thinks about voicing an objection to Jim stepping forward toward the house, and he makes sure his phaser is easily accessible when Jim holds up his hands in a show of peace. It is not instinctual for Spock to react with violence immediately, but this entire world has him on edge. It is not a natural place, or one that invites a long life - and the best world for any individual is one in which they can prosper, which this colony does not offer. Perhaps once it did, but no longer.
Spock notices the shift of light from the corner of his eyes, and before he can move, a figure steps out of the shadows. Just a kid, young with old, world-weary eyes, and obviously malnourished. Spock does not react other than to take half a step toward Jim, waiting to see what he will do. The kid says nothing, just watches them with wary eyes, the handle of a shovel in his hand, a poor weapon against advanced technology. ]
[ When Jim finally sees the person, the child, come into view---he's struck dumb for a handful of seconds. He knows that look, at least, he can imagine it well enough. He imagines Robert April saw it when he picked him up and carried him back to safe transport coordinates. The only thing he has to go off of was looking in the mirror at the age of 13 and not recognizing the face staring back at him. The way his clothes fell off of him in all the wrong ways for months after.
He keeps his hands up, and finally brings himself back to the moment. He offers a small, barely there smile. It hurts, seeing the shovel handle in the child's hands, and remembers hitting April with a pipe he'd been using for protection. The kid is doing better than he was. Jim couldn't even stand when he was found. ]
Hey, there. No one here is going to hurt you. How about you put that down, if you feel up to it, and come over here with us?
[ The kid takes a step back when Jim steps forward, and he stops. He knows that fear. The distrust. ]
You're going to be okay, now. I promise. We're gonna take you up to my ship, the Enterprise, and help you get better. It's nice there. Warm and safe. Plenty of food and water, I bet we can find something you like.
[ For all that Spock actively likes children - they are generally simple, their minds curious and bright, the promise of a future in their hands - he is ill-equipped to deal with them but in the most proscribed situations. Certainly not one such as this, terrified and broken in so many ways that Spock has trouble banking his disgust for the individuals who would allow such harm to come to a child. So he simply stands a few paces from Jim's shoulder, ready to jump forward if an attack happens but giving the captain the chance to plead with the child.
The kid eyes them all warily, but Spock watches him lock onto Jim's face eventually. Distrust is plainly written in his features, hardened and unyielding.
"Why should I trust you? You're just like all of 'em, buncha adults promisin' things they can't deliver. Got here too late to help the others." He kicks at the ground, sending off a cloud of dust that rises in the slight breeze.
Spock mentally reviews the reports and cannot recall any mentions of children dying in masses. Just like there were not any reports of survivors here, or the sheer destruction. He wonders how many others there are. ]
[ The child reminds Jim of so many things he’s tried to bury. So many things that made him the angry young man he was before he joined Starfleet. The man who fought tooth and nail for no reason at all. Who scoffed at Pike’s offer to join the fleet and make a difference. What difference did they make when it counted?
Where had they been when it mattered? What was the point of being too late?
April was there for he and Thomas. Now Jim has a chance to make that difference for someone else. God, while Pike had told him that he could make sure it never happened for someone else, he had hoped he would never have to be here. That he wouldn’t have to carry a child out of a nightmare.
Jim understands the distrust. He fought his own rescuer too. ] Because I’m not them. Because I’ve been where you are, and someone came for me when I needed them the most. I’m sorry we didn’t find out about this sooner, and that the apology doesn’t mean much, if anything. But I’m here now, and I will make certain that the people responsible for this answer for it.
[ He hazards another step forward, gauging the child’s reaction as he does, then another, and another until he is very much within hitting distance of the makeshift weapon. He makes a motion to indicate that Spock and the others stay where they are. If something happens, he can defend himself.
To be quite honest, there isn’t much of anything there to harm him, a wisp of a boy. He can handle it. ]
Now, how about we put that down, and you come with me, huh? I won’t let anything happen to you. Promise.
[ Spock goes utterly still when Jim moves forward. Spock is a quiet, composed individual in most circumstances, a sharp contrast to many of the humans around him, who seem to be constantly in motion. He moves with purpose and reserves energy for when he does need to be in action. But his stillness now is different, carefully contained energy reserved for the potentiality of springing forward, should the need arise. He does not move - none of the team do - but he watches, wary and waiting for a wrong move, the sudden lifting of that shovel handle.
It is unnecessary, as the boy drops the shovel handle, the wood hitting the ground with a dull thud that lingers despite the lack of actual echo. It startles the kid enough that he jerks, but it's easy to see just how weakened he is by the lack of sustenance and the constant need for vigilance when he that is his only reaction. He's still watching Jim, eyes wary and uncertain.
"Promise?" he asks. "Nothing bad will happen?"
It is an illogical question, as no one can guarantee absolutely no harm, but this is why he is not one to provide sympathy or handle such delicate situations. Perhaps one day, but not now. Jim is the one equipped to handle terrified children.
[ Jim knows he's breaking about a dozen, if not more, protocols by doing what he is currently. That doesn't matter now. He's only relieved when the boy drops the shovel handle. He sees him jerk at the sound it makes, however slight, and takes another few cautious steps towards him.
He moves over, and kneels down in front of the kid, offering a smile. He remembers how it looked on another man's face. ]
I promise. I won't let anything bad happen. [ A beat. ] Now, what do you say we get out of here?
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no subject
It couldn't be him. It couldn't. They found his body burned beyond recognition in the governor's mansion. It's his imagination getting the better of him. But that voice. ]
I thought I---[ You look at me, Jim. You have to run, do you understand me? He has to visibly swallow past the bile threatening to choke him at the unbidden memory that swarms up to drag him down. ]---No. I don't know them.
I'm sorry I folded back there. Won't happen again. When we get on board can I see the PADD with all the officials information on it? I want to review it again.
[ Which he does on the trip out. Again. Again, but only ever scrutinizing Karidian's face. Only ever poring over it, and trying to match the face in his memory to the old, haggard man on the page. He brings up other data files. Tarsus IV. Survivor list. Himself. Thomas. Wait, Riley? ]
Mr. Spock, has Kevin Riley been down on the planet assissting in the relief efforts that you know of?
[ Listed as a person of interest in the attack. Jim knows why. It's the same reason he and Thomas are listed as such. They saw Kodos's face. They heard his speech condemning them all to death. If he saw Karidian---would he think what Jim does now? ]
no subject
If he did not know Jim as well as he does, Spock might put it down to his captain simply displaying aspects of his humanity. But they have encountered other situations that, while not as dire, could have gotten him to fold, and he had not. There is something about the circumstances of this place.
It is a mystery. Spock hates mystery.
He pulls his attention back to the situation at hand when Jim queries him about the crew. ]
He has been assisting with food distribution and various repairs on the planet. Is there something about him of particular interest?
[ Spock is familiar with Riley's records; he is a solid crew member, perhaps not one of the brightest, but good enough to serve on the Enterprise. Spock can see no reason why Jim would mention him. ]
no subject
Could he be imagining a monster that is long dead? And what if he isn't? He has no proof to back him. He has nothing but his memories. Nothing but a handful of rumors as useful as dust in the sunlight. ]
I want him put with one of the groups with a security detachment. Kept away from the officials and the hospital. If he argues, send him back up to the ship. Understood?
no subject
Is there a reason for this order, Captain? As a junior crewman, working only on repairs or handing out food, he poses little risk of angering anyone.
[ Despite his question, Spock is already typing it into his PADD, though the lack of a signal means he cannot transmit it to Riley or anyone else who could otherwise communicate the order to the necessary individuals.
If there is one thing Spock dislikes in this world, it is the ease at which communications break down, frequencies end in radio silence, and signals get dropped. ]
no subject
I don't have to give any specific reason for it, Mr. Spock. I just want you to get it done as soon as possible.
[ He notes that they don't have any signal to communicate back to the others in the capital, so the message won't reach them until after their survey. He makes a soft, frustrated noise in the back of his throat. ]
As soon as we get back to the capital, I want him reassigned. Understood?
no subject
Especially with him not telling Spock. They have been working on communicating better and generally Spock gets answers for Jim's actions, or can deduce the reasoning. This is a reminder of their first months working together, when their differences seemed too huge to over.
Spock takes in the clenched jaw and hears the teeth grinding - an action he should cease, as it will simply cause jaw pain and affect his dental work - and decides against it. He inclines his head. ]
Very well, Captain. As there is little we can do at the moment, you should refocus your attention on the colony.
[ If he sounds a little more reserved than usual, well, most people do not notice the differences in Vulcan speech tones.
Spock adds another note to his growing mental list, and resolves to look at the connection between Jim and Kevin Riley and Karidian. ]
no subject
My attention is on the colony. It's also on keeping my people crew safe.
[ He can hear the more reserved tone, and he dismisses it. He can't focus on that now. He scrolls through a few reports, and then casts a glance back to him. ]
You said you couldn't find that much information on Karidian and his daughter. You mean it wasn't there, or ---did it only become available after a certain stardate?
[ Did it correlate with Starfleet finally arriving on Tarsus IV 13 years ago? He doesn't ask it out loud though. ]
no subject
[ It appears, at least to Spock, that there is something else going on in Jim's head, something that is distracting him. He has always been firm about protecting his crew, but this is unexpected and unique. ]
Their records date back only that far and there is no prior information for either of them, despite the fact that Karidian at least should have a lengthy history. It is as though they sprang into existence only 13 years ago, my distaste for the phrase aside.
[ Spock had noted how odd was, the fact that nothing existed before. Even his security clearance and hacking abilities had turned up nothing. ]
no subject
[ There is something on his mind. Something that has been on his mind for days now. It's eating him up a little bit at time, dividing his attention and making him relive things he never, ever wanted to revisit again. Now here it is, thrust right back into the forefront of his mind and his life.
Except now he has to wonder of he's making up ghosts and monsters, or are they real. Is it possible that Kodos the Executioner is here, now, on this colony?
He's pouring over the historical information that Spock sent to him, but his head snaps up when Spock says that. His thoughts grind to a particularly painful halt, his heart is in his throat, and he feels rocked to his core. ]
13? [ He clears his throat slightly, trying to find a voice that has suddenly left him. His face is pale with shock. ] 13 years, you're sure?
[ Of course he's sure, this is Spock he's talking to. ]
no subject
Either Jim is losing his mind or... Jim is losing his mind. There is no other option, because Spock knows well enough that Jim knows he does not incorrectly remember numbers.
He stares at Jim, taking in the pale face, the unsteady voice, the sheer oddity of all of this, and it helps temper his comment slightly. ]
Of course I am sure, Captain. It is a date. Need I remind you I have an eidetic memory?
no subject
[ His voice is still lost-sounding. He feels like he's come untethered in the worst way, floating in the black of space in an EVA suit that's just running out of air with each breath he takes. This is a nightmare he thought he buried happening all over again in real time.
His gaze drops down to the PADD in his hands again. To the face of a monster staring back at him. Hesitantly, and he's never been hesitant to meet his first officer's gaze, he looks back over at him. Right now, though, he feels like the slightest scrutiny will reveal every secret he's ever had. Every nightmare he has swallowed in secret. ]
Comma---Spock, what do you know about a colony by the name of Tarsus IV?
no subject
The question about Tarsus is rather unexpected, and Spock has to draw on his limited knowledge of the planet. Not much is ever mentioned. ]
It was a colony that suffered an unknown attack and the lives of half of the population of the colony were lost in this attack. Investigations turned up little other information. The timeline of the attack and distress calls are unknown, as it is believed subspace communications failed.
[ Spock studies Jim's face as he speaks, wondering at the connection. The lack of a signal on his PADD so he can search for a possible connection is frustrating, but not insurmountable. He will simply look later. ]
no subject
[ He parrots it back dumbly, half-stumbling over his words. Sure, he knows what the reports say. He's known for years now. He knew what they told him after Robert April's ship got he and his friend Thomas to the nearest starbase. It was an accident, an attack.
Of course he agreed. What else could he do? ]
Distress calls were sent out. Help just---it came too late. By the time Starfleet arrived, there were only 4,000 of the 8,000 settlers left. They found the governor's burned body in the mansion. It was assumed that he was there during the most focused attack on the ruling body.
[ In reality it was a revolt. The starving people of the colony fighting back to take control. To try and bring sanity back after thousands were butchered without remorse. They stormed the mansion. Jim remembers hearing the explosions, but he was too exhausted and weak to do anything save huddle on the outskirts with his best friend. ]
I was on that colony.
no subject
When Jim mentions that he was on the colony, Spock finally breaks, and leans forward to clasp his hand around Jim's wrist. He refrains from reading any of the surface emotions, though he desires to know more of what is going on in Jim's head.
It's exceedingly rare for him to touch anyone, even Jim, and Spock hopes that the touch will provide some guidance for his friend. ]
Jim. What is going on -
[ He wants to ask what is going on, why is he panicking over this? Yes, the attack and the current situation on the colony might be similar, but Spock can see no reason for such a reaction.
Unfortunately, the shuttle slows to a stop, and the pilot is wandering back to inform them they are at their destination. The worst of the colonies that had been hit; the scent of smoke and death is still obvious in the air, over a week later.
Spock does not drop Jim's hand immediately, waiting until the pilot has left them. He cannot continue his questioning at the moment, but he resolves to pose more queries later. ]
no subject
Then, as the shuttle is slowing, he finds that he can't answer his first officer in a suitable fashion. He grips his hand back, for a brief moment, and when he looks up to meet his gaze there's obvious pain in his own eyes. ]
I can't. Im sorry I can't.
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[ Spock sighs, audibly. He rarely uses Jim's given name when they are acting in the line of duty, but it felt necessary to repeat his name, as something calming, and a reminder that Spock is there.
But there is little chance to actually get anything across to Jim, or insist that he just tell Spock what is going on with this. They have to depart the shuttle, look over the colony, and assess damage, and they are on a tight schedule. He lets go of Jim's wrist and stands. ]
Let us proceed, Captain.
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The first thing that strikes him is as if it were pulled straight out of his own memories, and he has to stop, breathe through his mouth, and focus on the task at hand. Some of the others of his crew that are part of security, and medical are covering their faces, coughing. The stench of death is obvious, and it is something Jim will never be able to forget for as long as he lives, he's certain. He turns to face the crew. ]
We split into three teams. Spock is with me, along with Lt. Haverson and Chief Dalen. I want everyone to documenting everything that might be of relevance, keep open channels at all times, and contact the nearest security officer at the first sign of trouble. We meet back here in two hours unless communicated otherwise, understood?
[ There are nods of assent and yes sirs from the crew, and people split off into teams. Jim heads towards one of the housing areas, litter and dust blowing past his feet with the winds increase. ]
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Spock does not require the use of any aids to keep track of time, so he does not bother checking the time as they head toward one of the housing areas. He'll keep Jim on track, if necessary.
The area is desolate, the stench of decay obvious and the amount of ruin not entirely in keeping with the reports. It was a wise decision to visit, as Spock can gain a much clearer vision of the truth. A truth that does not match what the officials have been discussing.
He is about to mention that to Jim when he hears a rustling from inside one of the broken houses, and grabs Jim's shoulder to point in that direction. ]
Something over there, Captain.
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He slows a bit as they come up on the first houses. He remembers what bothered him the most outside of the massacre itself---it was the empty houses. Empty houses with dust voids from valuables taken by the patrols, or the way the dust settled at all. How it caked down and touched everything with a grey reminiscent of death. His standard issue boots kick up the dust and it settles on his working uniform and his hands, and he finds himself staring at it numbly until Spock grabs his shoulder.
He catches a shadow of movement that most would dismiss, but ---god. He knows what it's like to turn into something else. To turn into a wraith and steal through the shadows during the brightest part of the day, and be wary of watching eyes because you have to survive. ]
On me. No phasers, keep it quiet.
[ Jim moves towards the house, trying to separate himself from the parallel memory that is trying to replay in his own head. Bootsteps over broken glass, dust kicking up, it's the guards it has to be. ]
This is Captain---[ Robert April of the---]---James T. Kirk of the USS Enterprise. We know you sent out for aid, we're here to help. I have a medical chief with me if you have wounded.
We have no affiliations with the government of your world. You're safe with us.
[ Jim puts his hands up in a gesture of surrender and also to show that he's unarmed. ]
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He almost thinks about voicing an objection to Jim stepping forward toward the house, and he makes sure his phaser is easily accessible when Jim holds up his hands in a show of peace. It is not instinctual for Spock to react with violence immediately, but this entire world has him on edge. It is not a natural place, or one that invites a long life - and the best world for any individual is one in which they can prosper, which this colony does not offer. Perhaps once it did, but no longer.
Spock notices the shift of light from the corner of his eyes, and before he can move, a figure steps out of the shadows. Just a kid, young with old, world-weary eyes, and obviously malnourished. Spock does not react other than to take half a step toward Jim, waiting to see what he will do. The kid says nothing, just watches them with wary eyes, the handle of a shovel in his hand, a poor weapon against advanced technology. ]
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He keeps his hands up, and finally brings himself back to the moment. He offers a small, barely there smile. It hurts, seeing the shovel handle in the child's hands, and remembers hitting April with a pipe he'd been using for protection. The kid is doing better than he was. Jim couldn't even stand when he was found. ]
Hey, there. No one here is going to hurt you. How about you put that down, if you feel up to it, and come over here with us?
[ The kid takes a step back when Jim steps forward, and he stops. He knows that fear. The distrust. ]
You're going to be okay, now. I promise. We're gonna take you up to my ship, the Enterprise, and help you get better. It's nice there. Warm and safe. Plenty of food and water, I bet we can find something you like.
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The kid eyes them all warily, but Spock watches him lock onto Jim's face eventually. Distrust is plainly written in his features, hardened and unyielding.
"Why should I trust you? You're just like all of 'em, buncha adults promisin' things they can't deliver. Got here too late to help the others." He kicks at the ground, sending off a cloud of dust that rises in the slight breeze.
Spock mentally reviews the reports and cannot recall any mentions of children dying in masses. Just like there were not any reports of survivors here, or the sheer destruction. He wonders how many others there are. ]
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Where had they been when it mattered? What was the point of being too late?
April was there for he and Thomas. Now Jim has a chance to make that difference for someone else. God, while Pike had told him that he could make sure it never happened for someone else, he had hoped he would never have to be here. That he wouldn’t have to carry a child out of a nightmare.
Jim understands the distrust. He fought his own rescuer too. ]
Because I’m not them. Because I’ve been where you are, and someone came for me when I needed them the most. I’m sorry we didn’t find out about this sooner, and that the apology doesn’t mean much, if anything. But I’m here now, and I will make certain that the people responsible for this answer for it.
[ He hazards another step forward, gauging the child’s reaction as he does, then another, and another until he is very much within hitting distance of the makeshift weapon. He makes a motion to indicate that Spock and the others stay where they are. If something happens, he can defend himself.
To be quite honest, there isn’t much of anything there to harm him, a wisp of a boy. He can handle it. ]
Now, how about we put that down, and you come with me, huh? I won’t let anything happen to you. Promise.
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It is unnecessary, as the boy drops the shovel handle, the wood hitting the ground with a dull thud that lingers despite the lack of actual echo. It startles the kid enough that he jerks, but it's easy to see just how weakened he is by the lack of sustenance and the constant need for vigilance when he that is his only reaction. He's still watching Jim, eyes wary and uncertain.
"Promise?" he asks. "Nothing bad will happen?"
It is an illogical question, as no one can guarantee absolutely no harm, but this is why he is not one to provide sympathy or handle such delicate situations. Perhaps one day, but not now. Jim is the one equipped to handle terrified children.
The boy seems reassured, at least, by Jim. ]
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He moves over, and kneels down in front of the kid, offering a smile. He remembers how it looked on another man's face. ]
I promise. I won't let anything bad happen. [ A beat. ] Now, what do you say we get out of here?