[ Of everyone on the ship, Spock is the least equipped to deal with emotional turmoil and he knows this very well. But considering that he has been by Jim's side all day and he has serious reservations about Jim confiding in anyone, let alone someone who lacks the context of today.
So he stays. Follows Jim across the room to sit next to him on the bed, closer than he would normally sit to anyone else. When Jim falls silent, he speaks up, finally. ]
You were on Tarsus, during the unknown attack on the colony. It left over 4,000 individuals dead by the time Starfleet was able to reach the colony and provide assistance. [ It is speculation, but Spock has enough information that he can say it is not merely a guess. ] Lieutenant Riley was involved, and somehow the gentleman we encountered earlier. Who is he, Jim? I have been able to find no information about him, as Karidian seemingly sprang from nowhere.
[ Spock shifts toward him, angling his body so he can study Jim. He would rather not look at Jim, but there is something to be said for studying his expressions. ] Will you share this information with me?
[ At first, Jim only stares. He stares because he can't possibly know. But of course, of all people, Spock would find out. Of course he'd look into it. He's equal parts upset and grateful, but then the story comes out. The story they told after it all happened.
He looks down at his hands, rubbing at an imaginary stain for a moment. ]
Unknown attack. [ He's about to simply go with it, but then Spock brings up Riley. The man from earlier who was Kodos. He had to be. He knew the man's voice and face just as surely as Riley did. He didn't think he'd ever forget him as long as he lived. ] It wasn't---he's---
[ Jim shakes his head minutely, bottom lip quivering of it's own volition. ] I can't, Spock. Please.
[ He wants to. He does. He's so tired of carrying this. He's so tired of knowing that Starfleet has been lying long before Marcus. That there was some kind of corruption even then. Maybe he's more scared to admit that.
That the shadows have been there for longer than either of them could determine. Did it start with the Kelvin? Was it before that? He looks over, eventually, after Spock sits, and something about the way he's studying him causes the break. ]
It wasn't an attack. [ Every breath, every word, feels like a betrayal to the uniform he just took off. The one stained with Riley's blood. The one Spock is wearing now. Even after all these years, he doesn't understand why it all happened. Why it took Starfleet so long to get to them. ] Starfleet lied. It wasn't an attack.
[ There are things - such a vague word, but so encompassing, Spock can understand why individuals make use of the term - events and situations and emotions that can never be put into words. Spock knows this is so, even as the logical aspect of his mind rejects the idea that not everything can be expressed verbally.
This is one of those times for Jim. There is so much in his voice, emotion that Spock can discern, and it gives him pause; Jim, for all his unrestrained emotion, does not display these emotions so flagrantly on a normal basis.
He listens. Spock is capable of infinite patience, when it suits him, in specific situations, though it is not a normal state. So he listens to Jim talk, absorbs the words, and finally responds. ]
Jim. Show me.
[ It will be easier than talking, because Spock can hear the break in his voice, and knows what it means.
In another world, Starfleet might have been admirable. But this is their world, and Spock can no longer trust the Federation or Starfleet much. Not with the lies of Marcus, the blind eye all had turned toward him, the lies that keep coming up from times before. When did they start? But no, that is speculation and not something to which Spock is given. So instead, he focuses on Jim, shifting closer, hand raised. ]
Show me. [ He repeats it, as though it is necessary. ] It will go faster than attempting to talk.
[ Jim is human. He's an emotional creature by simple biology alone. Most humans are. He's vibrant and passionate at the best of times, dynamic and constantly spinning like the galaxy they explore. There's a tenuous balance he's found, a temperament he has begun to ease into that is slowly becoming a new normal.
He is still passionate when the time calls for it. More often than not he's more tempered by command and his past. ]
Show you?
[ Slow and confused, almost child-like. He doesn't understand what he's asking him for. He doesn't put it all together until Spock raises his hand, and repeats himself. His actions speak for him before his words can, and he pulls back, eyeing the other man's hand warily.
He remembers that. He knows what it does. He doesn't understand how because he had no idea until that moment that Vulcans even had that ability. ]
Our minds together? [ As one. The words come easily enough, but he remembers the overload of emotional transference that had come with it. It was a hell of a price. He wasn't certain he wanted to offer much the same to his friend. He also wasn't certain that he could keep himself together for---that. ] Spock, I---
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no subject
So he stays. Follows Jim across the room to sit next to him on the bed, closer than he would normally sit to anyone else. When Jim falls silent, he speaks up, finally. ]
You were on Tarsus, during the unknown attack on the colony. It left over 4,000 individuals dead by the time Starfleet was able to reach the colony and provide assistance. [ It is speculation, but Spock has enough information that he can say it is not merely a guess. ] Lieutenant Riley was involved, and somehow the gentleman we encountered earlier. Who is he, Jim? I have been able to find no information about him, as Karidian seemingly sprang from nowhere.
[ Spock shifts toward him, angling his body so he can study Jim. He would rather not look at Jim, but there is something to be said for studying his expressions. ] Will you share this information with me?
no subject
He looks down at his hands, rubbing at an imaginary stain for a moment. ]
Unknown attack. [ He's about to simply go with it, but then Spock brings up Riley. The man from earlier who was Kodos. He had to be. He knew the man's voice and face just as surely as Riley did. He didn't think he'd ever forget him as long as he lived. ] It wasn't---he's---
[ Jim shakes his head minutely, bottom lip quivering of it's own volition. ] I can't, Spock. Please.
[ He wants to. He does. He's so tired of carrying this. He's so tired of knowing that Starfleet has been lying long before Marcus. That there was some kind of corruption even then. Maybe he's more scared to admit that.
That the shadows have been there for longer than either of them could determine. Did it start with the Kelvin? Was it before that? He looks over, eventually, after Spock sits, and something about the way he's studying him causes the break. ]
It wasn't an attack. [ Every breath, every word, feels like a betrayal to the uniform he just took off. The one stained with Riley's blood. The one Spock is wearing now. Even after all these years, he doesn't understand why it all happened. Why it took Starfleet so long to get to them. ] Starfleet lied. It wasn't an attack.
no subject
This is one of those times for Jim. There is so much in his voice, emotion that Spock can discern, and it gives him pause; Jim, for all his unrestrained emotion, does not display these emotions so flagrantly on a normal basis.
He listens. Spock is capable of infinite patience, when it suits him, in specific situations, though it is not a normal state. So he listens to Jim talk, absorbs the words, and finally responds. ]
Jim. Show me.
[ It will be easier than talking, because Spock can hear the break in his voice, and knows what it means.
In another world, Starfleet might have been admirable. But this is their world, and Spock can no longer trust the Federation or Starfleet much. Not with the lies of Marcus, the blind eye all had turned toward him, the lies that keep coming up from times before. When did they start? But no, that is speculation and not something to which Spock is given. So instead, he focuses on Jim, shifting closer, hand raised. ]
Show me. [ He repeats it, as though it is necessary. ] It will go faster than attempting to talk.
no subject
He is still passionate when the time calls for it. More often than not he's more tempered by command and his past. ]
Show you?
[ Slow and confused, almost child-like. He doesn't understand what he's asking him for. He doesn't put it all together until Spock raises his hand, and repeats himself. His actions speak for him before his words can, and he pulls back, eyeing the other man's hand warily.
He remembers that. He knows what it does. He doesn't understand how because he had no idea until that moment that Vulcans even had that ability. ]
Our minds together? [ As one. The words come easily enough, but he remembers the overload of emotional transference that had come with it. It was a hell of a price. He wasn't certain he wanted to offer much the same to his friend. He also wasn't certain that he could keep himself together for---that. ] Spock, I---